This may be our last chance to sell a screenplay, and here’s the premise:
“Lady Gaga is a single mom working for the Mining and Minerals Management Service in New Orleans. She’s just trying to do her job and bring home the etouffee for her dead sister’s adorable child from [whatever country is hot next week.] Gaga and her four year old charge, Neville, live in a Katrina-damaged recording studio in the Ninth Ward with Captain Beefheart, whose artwork she will devalue by calling him “Captain Braveheart.” Her ex-husband is a vampire, her chihuahua is a werewolf, her cat is Michelle Pfeiffer, her hairdresser is a voodoo priest, her female lover is a Russian sleeper spy, and now sexy Alejandro comes into her life. How could she possibly know that he’s a minion of Hugo Chavez out to steal her award-winning Gumbo recipe and take it back to Miss Venezuela?”
As you work on this script, try to work in a jealous astronaut in a diaper (an oldie but a very goodie), a kitchen sink with oil leaking from the tap, and references to Lisa Bonet, Mickey Rourke, and “Angel Heart.”
Action will be framed by Randy Newman‘s poetic, portentous narration, delivered at a piano while softly improvising.
