It is truly amazing to realize that the retarded can type, let alone use a computer. The retarded seem to have been called out of the woodwork in recent, post-Bush months: they litter the comments section of any newspaper in the country, and their passionate, if not correctly spelled proclamations of patriotism, fury and resentment clog up social networking sites. Particularly on a day such as today.
I’m not referring to people with Down Syndrome; in this case, “retarded” is used in much the same way as some still use the term “gay,” meaning supremely lame, not homosexual. For the rest of this diatribe, when I use the term “retarded,” think of those with enough IQ to know better, but still prefer to emulate – when the clarion calls – those who have a profoundly challenging condition caused by birth defect.
It is those retarded people whom the likes of George W’s coup-proof crew, Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh and the CEO of British Petroleum count on, who they prey upon, who they recruit in their ongoing campaign of domestic terror.
If the retarded were capable of more than barely controlling the urge to throw their feces at the wall, I’d ask them to ponder whether the 3,000 or so people that perished on 9/11 – including Muslims – would have wanted so many young Americans to die in their name over the next nine years. Would they have wanted Iraqi or Afghan women and children to die, as well?
Iraq and Afghanistan was sold on so many different levels – for the rich, a chance to spread “democracy” – their euphemism for American-style capitalism – to get richer with government contracts and that all-important oil racket. For the evangelical, a chance to spread “democracy” – their euphemism for Christianity; a Crusade of sorts. If those sales pitches, the boogeyman and the WMD hoax didn’t work, revenge for 9/11 sure did. Combined with American-style apathy, the underlying desire for revenge was the foundation for the past nine years.
And the various entities who run our lives in what the retarded mistakes for a free country has used that natural desire to gain more power, more money, and even more control over our affairs. And shift blame, while doing so, to the likes of hapless President Carter – who tried to say, over 30 years ago, that we need to change our ways. And ridicule, while thumping the Bible, those who truly believe in “Thou Shall Not Kill.”
And then you have the talking heads, yapping away at the retarded through their TV sets, as the retard nods and holds his or her Bible and/or his or her Confederate flag and/or his or her photo of Mr. Reagan — or whatever or whomever he or she holds dear. Next week, Mr. Beck will probably inform the retarded that he had just been visited by the ghost of Dr. King, and Dr. King had proclaimed that the war-loving, iron-fisted GOP to be the savior of America.
And the retarded will keep nodding and resisting that urge to throw poo, until it’s time for them to make their mark on a piece of paper in November.
Retarded people: if you’ve somehow made it this far, I want to make something as clear as possible for you: I hold many views that liberal extremists would shudder at. The only thing I despise more than the modern Democratic Party is the the modern Republican one, though I view many members of the Democratic Party as merely being “slow” or “gullible.”
When push comes to shove, I have to support the side who at least states they’re for progress, for positive change, for reason and for compassion. The other side – or side-and-a-quarter – have all all but purged their factions of anyone who possesses a level of compassion and reason. All that’s left are the masters, the middlemen, the talking heads and the retards; the modern conservative movement.
To paraphrase the late comedian George Carlin, conservatives – the foot-draggers, the religious zealots, the book-burners, the gay-bashers, the union-busters, those who “retard” the sparks of ingenuity and bravery and decency and common sense – those people haven’t gotten America anywhere; never have, never will. Those sorts of people belong with their ideological cousins in the Middle East.
No doubt this revelation leaves you, the retarded, sputtering in your morning oatmeal. You’re confused, you’re outraged, I know. So reach down into your adult diaper, snatch up a piece of poo and fling it. Fling it, it will make you feel better – and you have my blessing.
