The remainder of summer was uneventful except Keith drove me bonkers, pressuring me to go home with him. He finally laid off when I threatened to boycott his shows. School finally started, but my mind was constantly on Keith. It took all my willpower sleeping in my own bed every night, but I needed to concentrate on the projects I would enter in the Premiums Exhibition in February. The competition was stiff.
I spent long days at the academy and it was one of those long days I was working on one of my many paintings of a Brittany beach. My personal tutor got frustrated and told me I wasn’t concentrating enough.
“You have great talent,” he told me. “But you must only concentrate on your work. Relax and let your talent flow.”
I tried, but I missed Keith too much. We only saw each other on weekends. I was punishing myself as well since being apart made it difficult to concentrate on anything.
I almost wished it was February because the pressure to create a masterpiece was so intense. If I won a top prize I would have multiple job offers when I graduated.
Halloween arrived. It was a Tuesday but The Piss Ants now played the coveted Borderline and tonight’s show was sold out. This show was a must see. Keith and I wore companion costumes. He was Frankenstein’s monster and I was his bride. Keith looked fantastic in green makeup, a fake scar down one side of his face, which contrasted with his jet black hair and ocean blue eyes. I teased my hair all frizzy, put on black eyeliner and wore a skimpy, shredded lace dress with black fishnet stockings and short black boots. My fingernails were crimson red. Aimee attended with friends from the academy.
During the show, Jimmy drummed away in a gorilla mask. Billy was a hippy, wearing a wig with long straight hair, a bandanna and a t-shirt with a big peace sign. Lit jack-o-lanterns, orange lights and cobwebs adorned the stage. A Barbie doll was trapped in a web strung between two tower amps, and a huge spider loomed at her.
“I’ll be your bride, Frankenstein,” some tart yelled to Keith. I wondered if her outfit of a short denim skirt, cowboy boots and spiked hair were a Halloween costume or her usual attire. I put a curse on her.
My postcards all had a Halloween theme. The ones I drew of Keith sitting on a pumpkin, playing guitar sold quickly. Some I drew of the whole band had them playing in front of a full moon and framed with skulls.
The real fun was the backstage party after. There was punch in a huge bowl and someone froze green water in a glove so it looked like a floating witch’s hand. Keith wrapped one arm around me and handed me a glass of punch. “Drink up, my love, there’s plenty.” He was being very attentive and I was falling in love all over again. After my third glass I realized I’d been drinking more than fruit juice and sparkling water. The room spins were my first clue. I remember Keith escorting me to his flat. I don’t know how we got there, but as we climbed the stairs we got more and more amorous. As we crossed the threshold, we were shedding our clothes and within seconds were in the bedroom and as Keith so eloquently put it, fucking like bunnies.
When my eyes finally opened and saw the clock, I screamed.
My screams woke Keith. “What the fuck?”
“It’s nearly one and since it’s daylight, I’m assuming it’s afternoon. I was supposed to be at school at nine. What happened last night?”
He grinned like a Cheshire cat. “We were at a Halloween party, remember? You got pissed and were barely able to stand.”
Then I remembered. “The punch! What was in it?”
“More like what wasn’t.” He cracked himself up.
I stared at him, horrified. “This isn’t funny. I didn’t know the punch had alcohol! You stupid twat. I only weigh seven stone!”
“Which is why it only took three glasses.” He laughed heartily. “You should have seen yourself. You flirted with every bloke there.”
I looked at him aghast. “I didn’t.”
“Yes you did. That’s why I ushered you out so fast.”
I continued glaring at him. How could he do this?
Keith laughed again. “Relax, luv. I was taking the piss. You weren’t flirting with anyone but me.”
“Wait, you handed me those glasses. You did this on purpose so I’d go to bed with you. You’re evil!” I punched him in the arm.
Keith laughed again. “Don’t be cross. I didn’t know you were coming home with me because you were pissed. I thought you wanted to.”
I was determined to wipe that smug smile off his face. “Well I hope you wore a condom because I stopped taking birth control two months ago.”
Keith’s smug smile not only disappeared, he looked white as a sheet.
“I guess by your expression, you didn’t. What if you got me pregnant? How could you be so daft?”
“Shit! I just assumed . . .”
“Oh you just assumed. You know, you really should start thinking before doing. If it turns out I’m up the duff because you were careless, it will ruin my life. What will my parents think?”
“Let’s not panic yet. Doesn’t it take a couple months for the pill to wear off anyway?”
“How should I know? I’m hardly experienced!”
“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” He began pacing the room. I delighted in hearing the wood floorboards squeak with rapid succession. “I’m not ready for this.”
“Well you fed me alcohol, then seduced me, so it’s your fault. If I’m up the duff you’ll have to get a job to pay my expenses.”
“Don’t jump to conclusions. We’ll get one of those home tests.”
“Can we tell this soon?”
“Fuck if I know. I’m not experienced either. You’re my first girlfriend.”
I decided I’d let him suffer enough, grabbed a pillow and whacked him hard. “It’s April, May, June, July and August fool! I never stopped taking the pill, but it would serve you right if I had.”
I’d never seen anyone look more relieved. “You really had me going there.”
“Good because if you ever do that to me again, we’re finished!”
“Come on, be a sport.”
“No, you used me. I missed school, my head feels like it’ll explode and my stomach feels like I ate a bowl of crumbled bricks. I’m going home and don’t want you contacting me until you learn to respect me.”
“It’s called a hangover, luv. Come on, don’t be pissed off.”
“What do you expect? You made me miss school. Do you have any idea what I’m up against with the projects I’m creating for the Premiums Exhibitions? Do you even care that I want a career? That it’s not just about you?”
“It was fucking Halloween. The best day of the bloody year.”
“Well unlike you, I have no trust fund and need an education to have a future.” I left the flat, slamming the door hard.
Chapter Fifteen
I didn’t see or speak to Keith until Friday night. I wouldn’t return his calls. He seemed very contrite by the time Friday came, so perhaps my punishment worked.
During the following weeks, I kept busy with school. After much coaxing, and an inordinate amount of gorging on chocolate, my tutor finally told me I was creating paintings worthy of entry. He didn’t say they were worthy of winning.
First December was Keith’s nineteenth birthday. I promised to meet him at his place after I left the academy. What he didn’t know was I was finishing a painting of his heroes –- a collage of The Clash and The Sex pistols with assorted London landmarks added in. I rifled through the frames at the academy, then wrapped it in brown paper, then headed for Chelsea.
“I was so hoping it was you,” Keith said, letting me in.
“Remember if there are any parties tonight, I’m not drinking anything.”
“I promise I won’t get you pissed, funny as it was.” He gave a naughty boy grin.
“Here, I brought you something, though you don’t deserve it.” I handed him the wrapped painting.
Like a little kid, he tore off the paper, ignoring the designs I’d painted on it. He stared at it awhile before I asked him if he liked it.
“I absolutely cherish it.” He wrapped me in his arms and we kissed. “I wish we could spend the next two hours shagging, but I promised Frank and Louisa I’d pop by. Louisa insisted we both come. She’s more excited about seeing you.”
“She’s so sweet. As for you, if you’re good, I’ll give you what you want.” I ran my hand up the inside of his thigh. “I still haven’t forgotten Halloween.”
“You know, you hold grudges. I never knew that.”
I kissed him again. “Now you know.”
We headed out to the car, braving the freezing wind and rain that kept threatening to change to snow, and zipped over to Bayswater. Louisa greeted me with her usual huge hug. “It’s so lovely to see you again, dear. It seems like ages.”
“I feel like I’m coming out of hibernation,” I admitted. “I’ve been so busy with school I’ve barely seen the light of day.”
“I’m always glad to hear you’re studying hard.”
She led us into the dining room. Frank was there and greeted me with a huge hug and a kiss. “You brought your gem of a girlfriend. It’s about time we saw her again.”
“You know,” Keith quipped. “Don’t anyone pay attention to me.” He gave me a squeeze. “See, you upstage me everywhere.”
I was feeling special and it wasn’t my birthday.
“Don’t worry. You’ll get yours,” Louisa assured him. “Ryan took off in this miserable weather on his motorbike. He had some last minute details at the club. Frank disappeared and returned with a powder blue electric guitar. I saw the words Fender Telecaster written on the neck. “Ryan says this is the guitar you wanted.”
Keith’s jaw practically hit the floor. He took the guitar and stared at it. “It’s exactly what I want. You two are the really best!”
“Before you get too excited,” Frank said. “You should know your parents chipped in half.” He handed Keith an envelope. “They wrote you a card.”
His expression turned bleak. “Now you’re bringing me down.”
“At least read the card,” Frank said.
“If I read this, the nightmares might return. My life is better without them.”
“Are you still having night terrors?” Frank asked. “I thought you were rid of those.”
Keith shrugged. “As long as I don’t get any reminders.”
“I’d get you something to help, but you don’t have the best track record with medication. I know a good chap who specializes in traumas like yours. I can still get you an expedited appointment.”
Keith shook his head. “I’m okay as long as I have my girl and my band and my parents are out of my life.”
“Why don’t you come help me in the kitchen, dear?” Louisa asked me.
I was happy to oblige. Her kitchen always smelled of fresh baked biscuits.
“Tell me, dear, how are you? How are your parents? Are they more accepting of the relationship?”
“They think we broke up. Not having my mother checking up on me is a big relief.”
“Sweetie, your parents care enough to keep tabs on you. You’re doing them a terrible disservice by deceiving them.”
“I’ll tell them at Christmas. But we only see each other on weekends because I’m busy with school. My second year is much harder.”
“Help me get some plates, luv. I have cake though Keith doesn’t like sweets. I guess it’s more for you.”
“I think Keith’s from another planet. He doesn’t sleep or eat sweets,” I said.
“He didn’t sleep a lot with us either,” Louisa said. “Of course the first several months he had terrible night terrors.”
“My father thinks he’s broken beyond repair,” I said.
“He’ll always have scars and I wish he’d get professional help. But he has a lot to offer this world and Frank and I will do anything to help him.”
Ryan arrived to have cake before we left for the club. I made several commemorative birthday cards, mostly of just Keith with the words Happy Birthday and the date. I drew each one with a border of party streamers and some with Keith wearing a party hat. The band came on stage and Keith addressed the audience. “How the fuck is everyone doing?” He shaded his eyes with his palm to survey
To survey the crowd. “There’s a lot of you out there. We’re fucking honored you came tonight.”
At this point, a girl yelled out, “Happy birthday, Keith. I love you.”
My head shot around to see who yelled, but I couldn’t tell.
“Why thank you, darling.” Keith blew her a kiss and as I heard her squeal I figured out who she was. I glared in her direction and wanted to yell, “Lay off, he’s mine!”
Keith continued. “Now, we haven’t done the song yet that seems to be everyone’s favorite. It’s a song I wrote about three years ago called No Connection. But we won’t play it unless you make some noise. So how bad do you wanta fuckin’ hear it?”
The noise that followed felt like it would bring the entire building down.
“Is that the fuckin’ best you can do? Forget it. We’ll do something else. Fancy a bit of Brahms? I’ll get my acoustic.”
Several people booed. I wondered if they got the joke.
“Nah, I’m taking the piss. We’ll do No Connection.”
Not only did the audience scream their approval, but the dance floor became a steaming pit of sweaty, slamming bodies.
“. . .There’s no connection – why can’t you see?
Why can’t you just let me be?
I can’t survive if I’m not free.
And after all you did to me. No connection! (no more)! No connection (no more)! No connection (no more)! No connection!
After an encore of Clash City Rockers, the band left the stage. There were so many poseurs and hangers-on backstage. I wondered who invited them. There were blokes wearing punk attire that they obviously spent loads of money on, defying the very ethos of punk. The girls all had dyed hair and makeup that was applied with a garden trowel
At long last, Keith sought me out. He wrapped one arm around me and whispered, “Let’s get out of here.”
I gathered my things and edged towards the door. It proved impossible. More people crowded around, asking Keith questions. Ryan, thankfully, helped usher us out.
In the car, I remembered the empty beer bottles littering the backstage floor and wondered how many Keith had. Still, he handled the Healey like an adept racecar driver.
Once inside his flat, I threw myself into his arms and we began kissing.” I was beginning to think you forgot about your final present,” I added.
“Fuck no. There were so many bloody people trying to talk to me. Most of them I don’t even know.”
“Well, I know you for who you really are and you can be a twat sometimes, but I’m madly in love with you.”
We kissed again, slowly inching our way towards the bedroom, shedding our clothes. We collapsed on the bed giggling and naked.
Keith climbed on top of me. “You weren’t so pissed off on Halloween that you stopped using birth control, right?”
“It would serve you right if I did, but we’re safe.”
A big grin spread across his face and with one push, we ascended into an abyss of nirvana. A tingling sensation rippled through my entire body. If there was a heaven, we would make love like this forever.
As we lay, savoring the moment, Keith caressed me. “You are so bloody incredible. This has been the best birthday ever.”
I rolled over and snuggled into him. “Are you really having nightmares?”
“Never when you’re with me.”
I wondered if that was why he was so desperate for me to always spend the night. I snuggled closer.
The following week was my last week of school before a three-week holiday. I was so busy finishing final projects, I spent long hours at the academy before finally deciding which pieces to enter for the presentations. Aimee and I both staggered home around eight. Keith was sitting on our front stoop huddled against the cold, cigarette in tact. He leaped up. “You’re done now, right? Are you coming to the show tonight? I’ll buy you a cafe latte on the way.”
I couldn’t refuse. I went to my room for a change of clothes and headed off with Keith. We were busy making out when the phone rang.
“Bloody hell!!” Keith yelled.
It was Aimee relating my mother just called. “I told her you were finishing up some last minute work at the academy. I didn’t know what else to say.”
I thanked her and rang my parents. “Allo, Mama. I just called Aimee to let her know I was leaving the academy and she told me you called. Pour quoi?”
“When are you coming home?. I’ll buy an airline ticket.”
“I thought I’d come down week after next. I want to spend time with friends. I haven’t had time for fun since school started.”
My mother expressed disappointment. After all, Aimee was coming down the next day. I wouldn’t feel guilty. Now that I had no school, I was spending all my time with Keith. We were in love as much as ever.
At one of those shows Ryan announced a New Year’s Eve show in Brighton.
“You must come,” Keith begged me. “I promise it’ll be different than Liverpool. Besides, your parents don’t know we’re together so you won’t have any need to rush back.” right time to tell my parents.
Paris was stunning. The trees lining the streets were lit with delicate white lights, making everything look cheerful against the steel gray sky. The thin layer of snow made them extra bright. We came upon Notre Dame, with a huge lit tree gracing its ornate façade. I wished Keith was with me. Paris was so romantic at Christmas. I had to paint Notre Dame despite the cold, relentless wind. My parents opted to sit in a nearby café, so I seized the opportunity to find a call box. To my disappointment, I got Keith’s answer phone. Where was he? He expected my call.
“I don’t know why you aren’t waiting by the phone,” I half joked. “I’m spending the day in Paris. We must come here next year.”
It’s even more beautiful than London at Christmas. I’ll ring you tonight. Love you.”
I returned to Notre Dame and set up my easel. The wind lashed me, taunting me to go inside and get warm, but I painted anyway, before joining my parents an hour later.
“Goodness, you must be chilled to the bone,” my mother exclaimed as I sat down. “I ordered you a café latte.”
We had a lovely time and didn’t make it back to Brittany until eleven. My parents went straight to bed but I stayed up to call Keith. This time he was home.
“I hoped it was you,” he said. “I waited by the phone all evening.”
“We just got back a bit ago. I’ll tell my parents about us at breakfast.”
“Good luck with that. Sorry I missed your call. I needed some fags.”
“Next year we’ll visit Paris. It’s so romantic here. Everywhere reminded me of us.”
“This flat is one big empty hole without you in it.”
Difficult as it was, I ended my conversation and went to bed. I heard the wind crash against the stone façade of my parent’s house as I snuggled in bed. Tonight it seemed extra romantic.
I slept late the next morning, wanting to stay in bed a bit longer, thinking of Keith and delaying the inevitable. But the ever-familiar smell of my favorite oatmeal and raspberry pancakes beckoned me.
“Look who joined the living,” my father said. “I trust you slept well, ma cherie?”
“I feel like I’ve slept a week,” I confessed.
“Well you’ve earned it.” He gave me a cheerful smile.
My mother brought a huge pot of tea to the table and sat down. “I’m so glad you’ve committed all your energy to school. We were so worried.”
Okay, it was now or never. I took a deep breath. “Well, I hate to tell you this, but I’m back with Keith.” I took my time pouring tea and avoided eye contact.
[To be continued… Click here to view all chapters.]
