“Well, dear, you’re not only pregnant, but about two months along,” the nurse said.
I sat in shock. “Pregnant? I can’t be. We’ve taken precautions.” I tried remembering back two months and remembered that first night after learning of the untimely demise of my father. “But the only time we didn’t use protection was a day after my period ended. I can’t get pregnant that soon after.”
“Dearie, I don’t know where you heard that, but you certainly can. If you decide to terminate, you should do so soon. Your window of opportunity is rapidly closing.
“There must be some mistake. I had a period earlier this month. It was really light, but I’ve been under a lot of stress.”
“If that happens again you should be seen immediately.
I sat, absorbing everything. “I don’t know what to do” I confessed. “I’m not ready to be a mother.”
“Well, be sure to stop at the front desk and make a return appointment. They have literature for you to take home that will hopefully help your decision.”
I left the clinic, literature in hand and took a taxi home. I didn’t feel like waiting for the Tube or a bus. As I settled into the taxi, I felt a warm, comforting arm around me. I was sure it was my father telling me he was still with me and everything was all right.
I arrived at an empty flat. Fine time for Keith to be gone, I thought. As usual, he left no note. I flopped onto the sofa, burying my face in my hands. What will we do? We’re not ready for this. We’re barely adults. But get rid of it? That thought bothered me more. How could we afford a baby? Could we juggle parenthood and our careers? I heard a key in the door and Keith stepped in carrying a bag.
“Where have you been?”
“I went to get groceries.” He kicked the door shut.
“You might have left a note.”
“Sorry, luv. I thought I’d beat you back.”
“I need to tell you something and you better sit down.”
Keith placed the groceries on the coffee table and sat next to me. “What’s wrong, luv. Is your mum okay?”
“It’s not my mother. It’s me. It’s us.” I took a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”
Keith laughed. “Right, luv. I’m not falling for that again.”
“I’m not joking this time. I had to take a pregnancy to get back on the pill. I’m two months along.”
Keith turned pale. “You’re fucking kidding me!”
“I wish I was. What will we do?”
Keith ran his fingers through his hair and let out a big breath. “Fuck.” He took my hands and looked at me. “We’re keeping it.”
I looked at him aghast. “Are you daft?” I felt silly saying that, but it’s what came out.
“No. I want us to go through with it. This child is a product of our love.”
“How will we support a child? How will I finish school? If I’m already two months along, the baby’ll be born before I graduate.”
“There’s enough in the trust fund to pay another year’s rent and I’ll stay with the baby while you’re at school and Frank and Louisa will surely help.”
“What about your biological parents?”
“They don’t need to know. I’ll tell Louisa not to say anything.”
“What will you tell our child when he or she is old enough?”
“Nothing.”
“I want you to think hard about the long term consequences of that decision.”
“Our child will never go through what I did.
“Your mum will never be alone with our child, for sure. But you said when your father was home, she didn’t abuse you any more.”
“But I never felt loved like when I lived at Ryan’s. Frank and Louisa will consider this their grandchild.”
“But the more people surrounding a child with love, the better.”
“My parents don’t know how to show love.”
“It might be different with a grandchild. I think honesty is best.”
Keith grabbed a cigarette from the coffee table and stuffed his hand in the pocket of his tattered Levis for a lighter. “Having my parents back in my life would be catastrophic.” He lit the cigarette, took a long drag, then grabbed me for a long kiss. “We should tell Frank and Louisa. But first I’ll take you to dinner instead of fixing something here.”
I kissed him back. “We shouldn’t spend our money eating out. That trust fund needs to last even longer now. Besides, I should ring my mother.”
Keith relinquished me and took another drag. “Do that while I’ll put away the groceries and take you to Salatinos.”
I simply rolled my eyes and grabbed the phone.
“Ma cherie, I hoped it was you. How was your day?”
I was suddenly overcome with emotion and fought back tears. “Funny you should ask . . . I’m pregnant.”
At first my mother was silent. “Are you sure? It’s confirmed by a doctor?”
“Just today. I had to have a pregnancy test before getting birth control pills.”
“Ma cherie, what will you do?”
Again I choked back tears. “I think we’re going through with it. Keith wants to.”
“What do you want?”
At this point, my tears flowed. “I don’t know. I’m finishing school no matter what.”
“I’m glad for that.”
“I didn’t mean for this to happen. I know you warned me.”
“What matters is you. I don’t want to influence you, but maybe this baby will help fill the void left by the loss of your father. Whatever you decide, I support you. The important thing is to look after yourself.”
“Don’t worry. Keith makes sure of it.”
“He does look after you. You let me know what you decide. And remember, je t’aime.”
“Moi aussi, Mama, and I’ll call again tomorrow.” I hung up and wiped the tears from my eyes.
“Oi, luv, what’s all this?” Suddenly Keith was beside me, wrapping me in his arms. “You aren’t having second thoughts, are you?”
I leaned into him. “I don’t think I even had first thoughts.”
He squeezed me extra tight. “It’s all right. This is a surprise, but we’ll cope. Look at everything we’ve been through. We survived your parents trying to break us up. We survived the tour. But we’re still going strong.”
He gave me another squeeze and kissed me. “Freshen yourself up. You deserve a night out after all you’ve been through.”
I convinced myself he was right.
It was past eight when we got to Frank and Louisa’s. I remembered the last time I felt this way approaching their front door –- when Keith and I told them we’d just married.
Keith pushed the door open. Louisa poked her head out to the foyer. “Well for heaven’s sake. What brings you two here at this hour?” She grabbed me for a huge hug. “How are you, dear? I am so sorry for your loss. Did you get the card and flowers we sent?”
“I did, thank you.”
“We have news,” Keith said, beaming like a little boy on Christmas morning. “It’s something you both should hear.”
“By all means, come in. Frank is here, but Ryan’s off on his wretched motorbike.”
We followed her into the sitting room. Frank was sitting in a stuffed chair reading. He immediately rose and greeted me with the same embrace Louisa had. “It’s lovely to see you, my dear. How are you?”
“I’m coping,” was all I could say.
“Have a seat,” Louisa insisted. “I’ll make tea.”
“We have something to tell you first,” Keith said. He led me to the sofa. “You better sit down.”
“Very well,” Louisa said, sitting in an identical chair next to Frank.
Keith wrapped one arm around me. “You’re going to be grandparents.”
Both Louisa and Frank sat stunned.
Finally Frank spoke up. “You’re not . . .?”
“Yes, I’m pregnant,” I said. “I just found out. Believe me, it wasn’t planned at all.”
“So you’re going through with this?” Louisa asked.
I let out a long breath. “I guess so.”
Louisa came over, sat beside me, and gave me a squeeze. “We’re here for you.”
“When are you due?” Frank asked.
I shrugged. “I’m supposedly two months along.”
“That would put you at . . .” I could see Louisa count in her head. “Sometime in March. How will you finish school?”
“I’ll figure that out when the time comes. I’ll finish no matter what.”
“Don’t worry,” Frank said. “If you need us for child minding, just ask.”
“Have you told your mother?” Louisa asked me.
“Yes, I spoke to her earlier. Surprisingly, she seems thrilled.”
“And what about your parents?” She looked directly at Keith.
“I’m not contacting them –- and don’t you either. I’d rather they not know.”
“Do you think that’s wise?” Frank asked. “Don’t they have a right to know?”
“No!”
“Believe me, I’ve tried talking sense into him,” I said.
“Very well,” Louisa agreed. “I’ll keep your confidence.”
The front door slammed and Ryan strutted in wearing his leather jacket, tattered Levis and hard leather boots. He pulled off his helmet, giving his coppery pony tail a toss, before placing it on the chair Louisa vacated.
“Why are you here?” he asked. “I just went looking for you.”
“I’ll let you two tell him,” Louisa said.
“You’re going to be an uncle!” Keith stated with a big grin.
Ryan looked confused. I hoped we wouldn’t have to explain further. “What are you on about?” He wiggled out of his jacket and dumped it on his helmet.
“I’m saying this spring, you’ll have a niece or nephew to play with.”
“You’re not saying you’re . . .?”
“Expecting a baby? That is what I’m saying.” Keith’s blue eyes danced. I wasn’t feeling as excited.
“Why the hell did you do that? What about the band? I’m already lining up more tours. You can’t drag a kid along.”
“It’s been done, but honestly, I haven’t thought that far.”
“We’ll be delighted to have a baby’s laughter fill this house again.” Frank said, crossing the room to hug me.
“Well don’t look at me for child minding on the road,” Ryan said. “Besides, there’s no extra room in the van.”
Louisa glared at Ryan. “You be good or the baby’s getting your room!”
“Like that’s a major threat,” Ryan snickered.
Louisa pointed her finger at him. “You behave.”
Keith looked at Ryan. “Why were you looking for me?”
“Oh right. I got us another gig in Brighton — a last blast of summer show. We’re headlining a big punk show with three other bands. Provided you two are up to it.” He cast his eyes to the ceiling.
Keith grinned. “Wicked! When?”
“Weekend after next.”
“The weekend before school starts,” I said
“That’s why it’s a last blast of summer.” Ryan acted like I was completely daft.
“Let’s just go,” I said.
“We need to practice every day next week,” Ryan said. “Be here at one o’clock.”
Keith saluted him. “Aye, Captain.”
I was glad when we were finally home. I collapsed onto the sofa. Keith joined me and wrapped me in his arms. “Is there anything I can do for you?”
“Just hold me,” I sighed. “Suddenly things are a bit overwhelming. First losing my dear papa and now this.” I snuggled into him.
“Will you be up to going to Brighton?”
“Of Course. It’ll probably be the last time I’ll fit into my punk outfits for awhile.”
I didn’t sleep well that night. My mind kept wondering what was ahead. What would it be like having a baby before I was out of my teens? Was I making the right decision?
[To be continued… Click here to view all chapters.]
