The next thing I was aware of was waking in a private room. Keith was sitting by my side. He looked exhausted, but broke into a broad smile when he saw my eyes open. “Hi, my love. How are you feeling?”
I began remembering. “The baby!” I sat up.
“Shsh.” He laid me back down. “She’s hanging in. That’s all I’ve been told. You gave us quite a scare.”
“What happened? I feel so weak.”.
“You started hemorrhaging. We almost lost you.” He took my hands in his and began crying. “I don’t care if we have more children. I couldn’t bear losing you.”
A doctor entered the room. “Well, miss. It’s good to see you awake. You’ve been through a lot tonight. How are you feeling?”
“Like I’ve been run over by a lorry,” I reported.
“Well, it’s no wonder. You lost a lot of blood. You’ll be with us a couple days, but will make a full recovery. You’re young and in very good health. There’s no reason you two can’t have more children in the future.”
“This experience has put me off of having another baby,” I said.
“I’m sure you feel that way now, but you’re both young and have plenty of time.”
“I want to see my baby,” I insisted.
“I’ll have the nurse bring a wheelchair. You shouldn’t do much walking yet.”
The doctor left the room, but moments later a pediatrician entered with an update.
“Your daughter’s quite the little fighter, but her lungs are underdeveloped so she’s unable to breathe on her own. She can’t suck either so she’s being fed intravenously.”
“I was hoping to nurse her,” I lamented.
“She won’t do that for awhile. I’ll have a nurse bring you a pump. Breast milk freezes. At just shy of a thousand grams, she’s a little small for 28 weeks. Many premature babies have problems that plague them all their life. Some possibilities are hearing loss, poor eyesight or blindness, growth and learning delays and respiratory problems to name some.”
I wasn’t hearing any of that. She would make it. “I must see her,” I begged. “I have to see my baby.”
“I think that’s fine. I have to warn you she won’t look like a normal baby. She has tubes and wires attached to her and she’s very small. I’ll get your chariot.” He left the room.
“How did this happen?” I wondered aloud.
“The doctor told me it’s just one of those things,” Keith assured me. “Do you remember anything?”
“I remember I talked to you, got out of bed, and when I reached to turn on a lamp, I got severe pains. I fell to the floor and couldn’t get up. No one would call you . . .” I began crying again.
“It’s all right luv. No one blames you.” He sat on the bed, wrapping me in his arms.
“She has to be okay.”
“She will be. She’s ours.”
A nurse entered the room, pushing a wheelchair. “You want to see your baby, luv?”
Keith helped me into the chair and pushed as the nurse led us to a neonatal room.
“Oh mon dieu!” I gasped, laying eyes on her. The doctor was right. She had tubes and wires everywhere and was on a ventilator and looked more like something from a science fiction movie. Patches covered her eyes to protect them from the glare of the heat lamps and she wore only a tiny pink t-shirt, a pink knit hat and a nappy the size of something you’d wash your face with. It was even too large on her.
We were allowed to touch her, only with gloves, through the portals of her isolette. I wanted so badly to cradle her. It was hard not to cry. I relied heavily on Keith, but could tell he was barely hanging on. We spent a good hour with her, trying to caress her tiny hand. My wedding ring could have fit around her wrists.
A nurse approached, interrupting my thoughts. “You should get back to bed, luv.”
“No, I can’t leave her,” I protested.
“She’s being well looked after, but you’ll be no good to anyone without your rest.”
“I’ll check back on her,” Keith reassured me as I was wheeled from the ICU.
“You look like you need rest also,” the nurse told Keith as we reached my room.
Keith lifted me from the wheelchair and placed me back in bed. He sat next to me.
“I’ll let you stay a little longer,” the nurse conceded, “but your wife needs rest, so I’ll send you home soon.”
“Excuse me?” Another nurse popped in. “There’s a Mr. Ryan Patterson in the waiting area. He says he’s family.”
“He is,” Keith jumped in. “He’s my brother.”
“Ten minutes only,” the first nurse insisted.
Ryan was escorted in. “So, how’s everything?”
“Baby’s hanging in. Brigitte will be fine,” Keith said.
He looked relieved. “I told you everything would be okay. A kid that’s a product of you two will have great survival skills.”
“How did the rest of the gig go?” Keith asked
“The fans were upset when you didn’t return, but we explained you were becoming a dad and the lead singer from the opening band took your place.”
The nurse returned. “Why not take your brother home. This young lady needs rest.”
“I can’t leave,” Keith objected. “My wife and baby are here.”
“I’m all right, my love.” I reached up and stroked him. “Leave the hotel phone number in case they need to reach you.”
“You can come back first thing in the morning,” the nurse coaxed.
“I’ll bring you,” Ryan added. “You ring me whenever.” He put a hand on Keith’s shoulder. “Come on, mate. Billy has your guitars.”
Keith reluctantly rose. He leaned over and we embraced and kissed.
I only slept because I was given something. When I woke the next morning, my thoughts were immediately on the baby. She must have survived the night. Certainly I would have been wakened otherwise.
“Good morning.” A different nurse entered the room. “I’m Mary, your day nurse. How are you feeling?”
“How’s my baby?”
“She made it through the night. A pediatrician will be in shortly with an update.”
“I must see her.”
“Breakfast first. You must regain your strength. I understand you had quite an adventure last night.” She popped a thermometer under my tongue and took my pulse.
I later choked down something resembling food, but tasting more like stewed shoe laces. Mary returned with a breast pump and taught me to use it. “Now, your milk probably won’t come in for a couple days, but keep pumping because it will stimulate your flow.”
I felt like a Jersey cow.
I hadn’t heard anything about my baby when Ryan brought Keith around nine.
Keith barely settled in by my side when another pediatrician entered the room. “I’m glad both of you are here,” he said.
My heart skipped a beat and Ryan stuck around.
[To be continued… Click here to view all chapters.]
