“Your daughter is a tough little girl. However, she’ll need more specialized care than we can provide. We want her airlifted to Great Ormond Street Hospital in London. They have the best neonatal intensive care in the country. You’ll need to sign papers giving us permission.”
“Mon dieu,” I gasped. “She will survive, won’t she?”
“Her chances are much better at Great Ormond Street. We have a medical team to accompany her. She’ll receive top care, I assure you.”
I hadn’t even thought of what would happen to her after I was released.
“I know how difficult this is, but it’s my medical opinion her best chance of survival is to be transferred to Great Ormond Street,” the doctor continued.
“I don’t think you have a clue what I’m going through!” Again, I choked back tears.
“I won’t leave you,” Keith said.
Ryan interjected. “You know Dad works there. I’ll call Mum and Dad. They can be there when the baby arrives. This is their grandchild.”
“I’ll leave you three alone to talk things over.” The doctor left.
“I haven’t called my mother,” I suddenly realized. “She should know what happened.”
Moments later a social worker came in, introducing herself as Lauren. “I’m told you two may need help. Your daughter is in good hands and will be well looked after at Great Ormond Street. Have you given her a name?”
I shook my head.
“We thought we had three more months,” Keith added.
“How about a support system. Are there grandparents, aunts or uncles?”
Ryan piped up. “I’m her uncle. As for grandparents, I’ll take care of that.”
“It looks like you have great support,” Lauren commented. “You shouldn’t face this alone. Even when you’re home you’ll need help. Most babies born this early aren’t released until their due date.”
I gasped. “You mean she’ll stay in hospital three months?”
“Most likely.”
I was devastated. “But I want to hold and nurse her.”
“You may get to, just not right away. You can visit with her until her transfer papers are ready.”
I was allowed to walk on my own now and the ICU was just down the hall. We donned masks and gowns before entering the dimly lit ICU.
“Hey, little baby girl,” I cooed, putting my hand into the portal of her isolette and stroking her with my finger.
Her heart monitor went berserk.
A nurse rushed over. “You’re touching her is getting her too excited. It’s probably not good to do that yet.”
“But she needs to be touched so she knows we love her.” I choked back more tears. How could my touch harm my baby?
Keith wrapped an arm around me. “It’s all right, luv. I think us being here let’s her know that.”
“Your husband is right. We nurses swear she has a couple angels looking after her.”
I knew one of those angels was my father.
“I have an idea,” Keith said. He pulled his guitar off, sat down and played beautiful, classical guitar.
“Oh, I think she likes that,” the nurse stated.
“Oh, look,” I pointed. “She’s trying to suck her thumb, but can’t get around the oxygen tube.”
“A very good sign,” the nurse commented. “She’s learning how to suck. She’s a quick study, she is.”
Ryan came in wearing the required mask and gown. “Mum and Dad are on standby. As soon as they know when she’ll arrive, they’ll be there.”
“Speaking of which.” Keith put his arm around me. “You’d best call your mum. I’ll stay with Angel Baby and play for her.”
We kissed and I returned to my room and called my mother. I related the whole story.
“I’m taking the next flight to London,” she insisted.
“I’m not in London. I’m still in Brighton.”
“Why are you in Brighton?”
“I told you Keith had a New Year’s Eve show. I went into labor and never made it to the club.”
“Why were you traveling so soon after visiting me? You were over doing it.”
“Mama! Don’t give me a guilt trip. Don’t you think I’ve already done that! The doctors assured me I didn’t cause this.” I was again on the verge of tears.
“I’m sorry, ma cherie. I still grieve for your father and to learn I almost lost you is unbearable.”
“I’ll be fine. They’re keeping me another night as a precaution.”
“When will you be home?”
“Sometime tomorrow. Can you be there then? We want the baby surrounded by everyone who loves her. She’s being taken to Great Ormond Street. I don’t know how to give you access to our flat, though. Maybe Keith can call our landlady and tell her to let you in.”
“I’ll stay here until you know more. Call me back soon and I’ll check for flights.”
I hung up and returned to the nursery. Keith was signing the papers to have our daughter transferred. Ryan was still with him. Keith saw me and we embraced.
Lauren came in. “The air transport is standing by. Have you been in touch with family so someone can meet her?”
“Her grandfather is a doctor at Great Ormond Street,” Ryan said. “They’re on standby. I’ll ring them now.”
Ryan left and Lauren let us say good-bye to our daughter.
“Good-bye, little princess.” I couldn’t help myself. I reached through the portal and stroked her tiny leg. “You hang in there. Your gran and grandfather are waiting. They love you very much. Mummy and Daddy will be there soon.” My eyes welled up with tears again.
Keith kissed the palms of his hands and placed them on top of her isolette. “Good-bye, Angel. Mummy and Daddy love you.”
“This is the worst day of my life,” I said, hanging onto Keith. “Worse than losing my dear papa.”
We clung to each other and watched the most precious thing in our lives get wheeled away. We prayed this wasn’t our last good-bye.
Ryan intercepted us on the way back to my room. “Mum and dad are on their way.”
We were emotionally and physically drained, but neither of us wanted to sleep.
“What do you say I get us something to eat,” Keith suggested. “I’m sure what they feed you here isn’t close to edible.”
“You’ve got that right,” I agreed.
“That way you can call your mum back with the specifics.”
“Speaking of which,” Ryan put in, “Have you given more thought to my suggestion you call your parents?”
“Why should I?” Keith snapped.
“Because Mum talks to both your parents now. She’s never mentioned the pregnancy, but since you got married, they’ve wanted even more to be a part of your life. If you call them it would get Mum off my back about it.”
“Give it a go,” I coaxed. “The baby can’t have too many grandparents.”
“You know my mum’s history.”
I sighed. “But we agreed she’ll never be alone with her. What will you tell our daughter when she’s old enough to ask?”
“I don’t know.” Keith’s tone was edgy. “I never thought about it.”
“I’d like her to have a relationship with them.”
“Why? So they can relieve their guilt by lavishing the attention they failed to give me on their granddaughter?”
“Isn’t she worth it?” I asked.
“Of course. I just don’t think they are.”
“Come on,” Ryan conceded. “Let’s get something to eat. It’ll give you time to clear your head.”
When Keith and Ryan left, I picked up the phone and called my mother.
“Aimee is still here,” my mother said. “I just called her parents to fill them in. They will drive us to Orly tonight and I will stay with Aimee. How are you doing?”
“Not great.” I started crying. “It was hard letting her go and Keith won’t leave me.”
“Ma cherie, I wish I was with you. I might get to Brighton sooner.”
“By that time I’ll be released from here. Keith’s with me constantly.”
“How is he doing? This must not be any easier on him.”
“He’s doing as well me. This is our darkest hour.”
“You get some rest so you can leave tomorrow and I will see you in London.”
I ended my conversation and was alone with my thoughts. Is the baby in London yet? Did she survive the trip?
My solitude was interrupted by the phone. I immediately answered it.
“Hello, darling. It’s Louisa.”
“Merde!” I panicked. “Something’s wrong.”
“Quite the contrary. The baby’s fine. They may upgrade her condition. She’s not breathing on her own yet, but her doctor’s optimistic.”
A sense of relief came over me. “Thank goodness she’s all right.”
“She looks like her daddy.”
“She looks like a drowned rat.”
“No, she’s beautiful. Frank is with her now. He says she has a lot of determination.”
I laughed slightly. “Everyone here said the same thing.”
“How are you? I understand you had a difficult delivery.”
“I should get sprung tomorrow, but it can’t be too soon. Ryan and me are trying to convince Keith to call his parents.”
“Are you? They call us so often now. I don’t know how much longer I can keep this from them. Do you still have their number?”
“I was rushed here by ambulance. You better give me it again. Hopefully we’ll talk him into it. It must be Keith’s decision, though.”
“Of course. If they show up I’ll know you were successful. Ryan has to drive the van back. Otherwise he’d stay. Let us know if there’s anything else we can do.”
Keith and Ryan came in and I ended my conversation.
“That was Louisa. The baby arrived. They may upgrade her condition.”
“That’s fantastic news!” Keith leaned down and kissed me. “I got you a salmon burger, chips, and chocolate milkshake.”
“You read my mind.”
After eating, Ryan left to return to London. Keith stayed with me all day, leaving only to scare up dinner. I craved chocolate milkshakes.
“We should think of a name,” I said.
“Not yet.” Keith took a swig from his beer. “We need time to bond with her more. Did you have something in mind?”
“Actually, no. For some reason I hadn’t thought about it. Too busy with school, I guess. Oh, no! I’m supposed to be back in school next week. I can’t possibly concentrate on school now.”
Keith snuggled beside me. “Well, if you really want, take the semester off. Maybe you can make it up in summer. The baby will be home and I’m not going anywhere.”
“What about the band? Ryan mentioned another summer tour.”
“I’m not thinking of the band until our baby’s home.”
“You’re giving up your dream?”
“Only temporarily, until we have our daughter with us where she belongs.”
“That’s risky. I can pick up where I left off, but you could lose it all.”
“It seems so insignificant now. This made me realize what’s important and right now I only want to concentrate on us.”
“I hope you don’t regret this.”
“How can I regret being with the woman I love.” He leaned over and kissed me. “And the baby we created from that love?”
“Have you given any more thought about calling your father?”
He sat up, taking another swig of beer. “I’ve given it some.”
“Well?”
“Well, nothing. I don’t want to call.”
“Oh, Keith, Please. It’s time to let go of your anger.”
“Very well for you to say.”
“Yes it is, but I see your parents reaching out and you’re so consumed with hurt and anger you’re determined to make them feel the same.”
“I don’t have a burning desire to have a relationship with them.”
“But our daughter deserves to. Please, do it for her. Do it for me. Remember what Ryan said. We make the rules. Your mother will never be alone with her.”
Keith took another gulp. “I don’t have their number since they moved.”
“Louisa gave it to me.”
Keith was silent a moment. Then, with a look of defeat, reluctantly took the phone. “If my mum answers, I’m hanging up.”
I showed him the number and he made the call.
“It’s ringing.” He reached for my hand and I gave him a reassuring squeeze. “Maybe I’ll get lucky and no one will be home. . . Dad? It’s me.”
He was committed now.
“Yes, of course it’s me. Who the hell else would ring and call you Dad? I have news.”
There was a brief pause.
“I know you knew I got married. Louisa filled me in on your talks, but there’s something she kept from you at my request . . . you have a granddaughter. She was born yesterday, three months prematurely. She’s very ill.” Keith’s hand trembled and I thought he might drop the phone. Again there was silence.
“Don’t get her on the phone. If you do, I’m hanging up and won’t ring back.”
I guess his father agreed because the conversation continued.
“No, I’m in Brighton. I came here for a New Year’s Eve gig when Brigitte went into labor. The baby’s been air lifted to Great Ormond Street. Frank and Louisa are with her and Brigitte’s mum is coming from France. Brigitte gets released from hospital tomorrow. We’ve decided you can visit your granddaughter. I’m hanging up now. Visiting hours are nearly over and I want to spend what’s left of them with my wife.”
He hung up and let out a deep breath. “There, I did it.”
He looked drained. I reached over and caressed him. “It seemed to go okay.”
“It won’t last. I’m not sure I can face them.”
“Just take it one step at a time. What was his reaction to the news?”
“He was shocked, to say the least. He had no idea Louisa kept such a secret. They’ll head to London first thing tomorrow. God, I hate being stuck in this bloody place.”
“Me too,” I sighed. “I hope I’m released early enough to catch the morning train.”
We began snogging when the night nurse walked in. “All right, you two. Visiting hours were over at eight. I let you go over time.”
“So what’s an extra half hour?” Keith protested.
“Your wife needs her rest if she’s to be released tomorrow.”
“That’s incentive enough,” I said.
“All right. I know when I’m out-voted. I think I need one more kiss to get me through the night, though.”
We engaged in a long embrace and kissed.
“I say, I’ve never seen two people more in love. If you give your baby half that love she’ll be a lucky girl.”
“It’s so hard to leave you,” Keith insisted.
“You must. I have nothing to wear. Come early and bring breakfast.”
We kissed once more and Keith reluctantly left.
My vitals were taken again and I’d grown weary of it. I managed to pump more milk and was asleep within the hour.
Keith arrived at eight the next morning with breakfast and my overnight bag.
“Bless you.” I graciously accepted the scrambled eggs and crumpets. “They served me something this morning I couldn’t recognize.”
“Rescuing women in distress is my specialty.” He gave me a kiss. “Especially ones as beautiful as you.”
It was an hour before a doctor finally came and examined me. “You’re recovering quickly,” he declared. “You’re very lucky. There’s no reason you can’t have a normal pregnancy and delivery in the future.”
“Do you have any clue why she went into labor?” Keith asked.
The doctor shook his head. “There’s no medical explanation. You received proper antenatal care. Sometimes things happen for no reason. I understand the baby is doing well.”
“So far so good,” I responded.
“Well, I don’t see any reason to keep you. Continue taking your vitamins and eat properly. You still need extra protein and plenty of rest. You came close to needing a hysterectomy which would have been a tragedy, you’re being so young.”
“This whole experience has put me off any future pregnancies,” I stated.
“Well there’s no medical reason this will happen again. I’ll sign the release papers.”
“I thought this day would never come.” I lay back in bed, relieved.
“Well, it’s here. Get dressed. There’s a train leaving in one and a half hours.”
“Great. I have time for a quick shower, then.”
“Make it very quick.” He stood up. “Maybe I should supervise.”
“No you won’t,” I laughed and pushed him back into the chair. “You stay here in case someone calls from London with an up-date. They were supposed to by now. I hope everything’s okay.”
The hot water falling over me felt so good. I shampooed my hair, then stepped from the shower to run a brush through it. It was full of knots. I exited the bathroom. Keith was on the same chair, playing his guitar.
He looked at me. “Your release papers are here. And . . .” he stood up, put his guitar on the bed and embraced me. “There’s news from the front.”
“The baby?”
[To be continued… Click here to view all chapters.]
