10. The sadly used-up word “amazing.” If you’re using it as a descriptor, it probably isn’t.
9. Anyone connected with the “Royal Wedding.” I don’t know these people. You don’t know these people! Who cares?!
8. Lady Gaga. Lady Gag Me. It’s been done. Go away.
7. The Real Housewives of Anywhere. They aren’t real. They’re not even housewives! And anywhere they are is surely Hell. I got a show for you. How bout The Real Housewives of the Trailer Park? It just goes to show you: trailer trash + money still = trailer trash.
6. The weirdly corporate-cult phrase “think outside the box.” Newsflash, asshole. You should NEVER be thinking inside ANY box.
5. The most useless and meaningless phrase in the English language: “It is what it is.” If I hear someone using this phrase, they’ll have a hard time convincing me they aren’t stupid, illiterate, or lazy. Try instead the Buddhist construction, “It is.” See, isn’t that better?
3. Ryan Seacrest. Go away, you strange, strange, bland little man. I’m not convinced you aren’t a cyborg. Go away, and leave some jobs for the rest of us!
2. While we’re at it, Seacrest’s stunted brainchildren, The Kardashians. Seriously? What are those hookers famous for? Having big butts? Have you SEEN my butt? I would like to say it’s a gift straight from God, but actually, I’ve spent many years researching the precise balance of tater tots to stairmaster climbs to get it just right. Where’s my show?! SEACREST?!?!?
1. Fox News. Hello, Fox? We all know you’re lying. Even the people who watch you know you’re lying. We know your agenda. We all know you’re not a reliable news source. Now, go play with some Real Kardashian Housewives and leave the rest of us alone.
Happy New Year!
– Jennifer Austin
