The Greatest Holiday Album Ever Experienced, By Davin Michael Stedman

Thus far, this Quad City All Star Christmas CD from 1996 is the best Holiday album I’ve ever experienced. The 69 Boys and 95 South have so far been upstaged by female MCs K-nock and 24K. I’m not sure which of them rapped this verse. But I’ll tell you what, it knocked my dick in the dirt. Before I heard the 12th bar, I was walking back inside abandoning a stony walk with my cushy headphones to jot down every word. It’s a pitch perfect combo of hilarity, timing, and absolute sadness; so deep, in so many ways as baby blue as anything I’ve heard from the lips of Muddy Waters. It’s the sort of talking blues that hits you hard when you decide to laugh, knowing full well this verse is made of real tears and constant disappointment.

But I have an answer for this young lady. Our bass player, Jake Amster is the man you’re dreaming of. He does not smoke blunts, his credit score is excellent, and he has yet to father 3 or 4 babies. His sperm count however is unusually high for a man of his age and ethnic background.

I present to you the opening verse of “Where The Real Men At?”

All I want for Christmas is a man without a lady
A man, that ain’t got 3 or 4 babies
one that don’t fart and don’t sell drugs
And every week don’t be in the club, yeah

I just want a man that stays home sometimes
And ride me around in his chrome sometimes
A go getter, that want to go get it
Any kind of man with some half decent credit

Yeah I said it, It’s like I’m playing poker
And all I’m getting dealt is a bunch of blunt smokers
broke jokers with a whole lotta’ drama
and every single one gotta’ crazy baby momma’

Uhg, I’m sick of tired, I’m tired of being sick
Of a bunch of broke men, that think they slick
I’ll take a good man that ain’t all that
As long as you can tell me where he at?

Some call it soothsaying. Some call it real talk. I call it Christmas in Miami.

– Davin Michael Stedman and his band, Staxx Brothers, wish you a Happy New Year!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLojUdH-e4Q