Why Do Sports Radio Hosts Hate on Soccer? By Claude Iosso

That is the question. These guys can rattle on with the erudition of a college professor about a long reliever for the local baseball team or a minute change in the football’s catch rule, but dare talk about the real futbol, and sports radio guys will ruthlessly mock you. Should they be foolhardy enough to talk seriously about soccer, listeners will call in to complain.

On the eve of the biggest soccer game of the year, the European Champions League final between upstart Liverpool and mighty Real Madrid, I will anticipate and enjoy the match with the large fraternity of soccer fans in Seattle. Like the freemasons, we soccer fans have a secret handshake and password. Not really, but we do know what so many Americans don’t – that soccer is a terrific sport that can fire your passion and leave you on the edge of your seat.

I’ll use the Champions League final to illustrate. People unfamiliar with soccer scoff at the sport, claiming that no one scores and everyone dives. Not so for either of the finalists in the Champions League. Real Madrid, led by the magnificent Cristiano Ronaldo, defeated a stylish Bayern Munich 5-4 over two games. Liverpool, a swashbuckling crew with the peerless “Egyptian magician” Mohamed Salah seeming to be able to score at will, defeated imperious Barcelona in the quarters before squeaking by Roma 7-6 over two games in the semis. Neither team spent a lot of time writhing on the pitch in fake agony.

Most of the world is eagerly anticipating Saturday’s match in Kiev, but most Americans don’t even know about the event. The U.S. sports media isn’t helping. What’s wrong with soccer, you morons?

A friend theorized that it is a form of Trumpist jingoism, discrimination against a sport that people of colors other than white, with names you can’t pronounce, excel at. Maybe that’s part of it, though Venezuelans and Dominicans are a huge percentage of Major League baseball players, and sports radio fools still fawn all over them. In fact, whites are a minority in all three of the U.S.’s big sports – football, baseball and basketball.

You’d think the sports talk dudes on Seattle’s competing radio stations – KJR and the ESPN affiliate – would change their tune in a town where Sounders FC draws about 40,000 a game. I doubt I’m the only listener who can actually appreciate football and soccer. But they can’t, asserting on the rare occasions it comes up that soccer is “too boring.” One of the guys on KJR, their whiniest weinie, was gleeful when the U.S. national men’s team dropped a World Cup qualifier because he resented passionate soccer fans giving him a hard time.

I’m thinking it’s got to be a pride thing. An American didn’t invent soccer – while the big three sports can all be traced to someone from the U.S. Maybe it’s a recognition that we don’t enjoy the hegemony we once had, that we’re clueless about stuff Europeans know all about. Radio hosts and their listeners don’t like the idea that the world doesn’t dance to our tune.

So you sports radio talkers can stay under your rocks. You’re replaceable. Being a moron can be an advantage sometimes for a shock jock, but the smart ones succeed in the long run. Us freemasons will make sure.

– Claude Iosso