You want a true story? How about a true story about how I dealt with Westboro Baptist Church today at the game? Take note. Because I unleashed mental Jazz on those evil muthaf☆ckaz.
Ever since I saw the meme of ‘Satan’ offering free hugs next to them, my wheels have been turning. Because you have to give Church of Satan credit for being clever and an organization that has less actual Satan worshipers per capita than the Westboro Baptist Church. They are trolling the people that are so dumb they don’t understand that the separation of Church & State is WHAT IS ACTUALLY PROTECTING US FROM SHARIAH LAW or Westboro Baptist’s version of it.
So taking note of the Church of Satan’s reverse Trojan Horse theory – pretend to be Satan to grab attention but actually be a cute cuddly Constitution loving Hobby horse, I took it back to the alleged 13th century BC.
I brought the Trojan War to Westboro.
But I also had something up my sleeve that even an actual clairvoyant Wizard could not stop. I completely improvised, used my intuition and tried to read the mind of this sad mean man with the protected Hate Speech signs and the megaphone.
I channeled the Prince of Peace and hugged this man in a manly way, the way two men might embrace in a Roman bath or after a big game, and I said,
“I love you man”
I think he tried to instinctively utter “I love you too” in the middle of some rant about the wickedness of women and homosexuals who f☆ck actual houseplants.
Then I saw the true weakness in his free speech shield. It was like staring into Vader’s mask and seeing a frightened and lonely Rick Moranis.
As I side hugged this glutton, I noticed his Britney Spears microphone hanging inches from his lips. I always wanted one of those, because I could sing and play guitar at the same time, and still run about like Thick Jagger.
But even as a straight man that would have defended a Freddie Mercury with my life, I self consciously feel like no straight man singing original music uses those, and that includes Garth Brooks and his side piece Chris Gaines. I am trying to work my way through these emotions so I can to use that fabulous little microphone that will set me freeeeeeeee!
But when I see that little mic dangling from his God smearing lips I go in for the kill. I am stronger than this man, and I have the element of surprise for even have no idea what I will do or say next. You’ve seen me onstage, you know I don’t plan those one liners, they just come…
….it’s jazz. It’s truth. I am looking into his beady little eyes and seeing nothing but the fact this man wants to be overpowered for he is weak and afraid of who he truly is, and I say, into his microphone in a voice he is shocked is so loud without shouting at all for I am a lead singer,
“I know you’re into some gay sh☆t”
Everyone stops. Everyone is looking. My friend who I will not tag here without his permission comes up to me and says,
“I can’t believe that just happened.”
Still in a state of improvisational euphoria I dead pan,
“You can’t be a legend, unless you do legendary sh☆t.”
If some quasi Liberal say what I explained, being straight and almost White, was truly homophobic,
…well it wasn’t Judas. They are just the type trying to score points, instead of scoring ACTUAL points against evil gay bashing vermin like The Westboro Baptist Church, and THEY are part of the problem.
I was ready to take on two Westboro men at the same time 100 yards later, but Megan Lueck grabbed me and said “we lost Kev” but I was about to see if how they would react if I hijacked both their mics at the same time by drawing the other in to defend the other from my Trojan hig attack.
Now they know my trick. But it wasn’t a trick. It was just jazz. I was playing a new melody over the old changes. Tomorrow I’ll have more melodies.
It’s hard to stop a man with a plan who doesn’t know what he’ll do next.
1, 0 Westboro.
And hey quasi Liberals, take this from a real Liberal, the minute we stop being funnier than Conservatives, is the minute some bad improv comedian like Donald Trump becomes President, because his dumb ass can’t read the cue cards.
Comedy is a sign of higher cognitive function, and trying to use the Only True Scotsman fallacy agsinst me is futile because the idiots that think they are to the Left of me are neither Liberal nor allegorical Scotsmen.
Davin’s new song has become a global earworm and Caribbean dancehall hit. Listen here on Reggaeville: DAVIN MICHAEL STEDMAN & ANTHONY RED ROSE – FREE YOUR MIND FEAT. SLY & ROBBIE WITH LENKY MARSDEN. The video is now available on Youtube.
– Musician and writer Davin Michael Stedman has many ventures, such as the AMAZING blog, 100milesofmusic.com. In the spring of 2018 he spent weeks networking in and reporting from Kingston, Jamaica. He will return there soon for more recording. His single with British band Sherlock Soul is available here.
