I have never seen Jello Biafra perform, witnessed one fantastic performance by The Melvins years ago, and have communed with Ministry at least nine times. Mr. Biafra and The Melvins once collaborated on Never Breathe What You Can’t See, released by Alternative Tentacles, which is Mr. Biafra’s recording label. On this recording, the musicians used the pseudonyms Osama McDonald, Jon Benet Milosevic, George W. McVeigh, and Saddam Disney.
Jello and Ministry’s co-founder, Alan Jourgensen, aka Buck Satan and Hypo Luxa, collaborated in a band called Lard. Check out their releases named Pure Chewing Satisfaction and The Last Temptation of Reid. Mr. Jourgensen had had many side projects over the years, including a band, Revolting Cocks, that issued their debut album, Big Sexyland, on Chicago’s WaxTrax! Label. BS included tracks entitled “Union Carbide (West Virginia Version)” and a remix called “Union Carbide (Bhopal Version).”
Bhopal refers to the world’s largest ever industrial accident, which claimed approximately 2,500 deaths immediately and over 500,000 “injuries.” By contrast, two years later “Chernobyl” became part of our lexicon. That nuclear accident immediately caused 100 deaths; however, like Bhopal, future deaths from chemical or radiation exposure are difficult to ascertain. Combined, perhaps 1,000,000.
Fifteen years ago Revolting Cocks released Cocked and Loaded. The studded lineup included Bibby Haynes (Butthole Surfers), Rick Nielsen and Robin Zander (Cheap Trick), Billy Gibbons (ZZ Top), and Jello Biafra, among others who contributed to this gem. One track, with Jello on vocals, is called “Viagra Culture.” With billionaires currently wasting money on space orbits, here are the lyrics.
Every day, my thoughts are consumed by winning
I must win at everything I do, I must win
My car must win, my money must win
My house must win, my hair must win
My kids must win, my weiner must win
My wife must win, my mistress must win
My trip to the bunny ranch must win
I must win in business
I must win when I mow the lawn
If I do not win, I am not in control
So I must win again and again
I don’t need more, but I must have it
More more, or the game gets old
I must win, I must win
Everyone else must lose because I must win
We have met the weapon of mass destruction…and it is us
First in war, first in guns, first in beauty, first in fun
First in waste, first to first base, first in bloody aftertaste
First in waste, first to first base, first in bloody aftertaste
This is Viagraculture, this is the USA
Me: Arnold. You: Girls gone wild. This is how life must be
To keep the sheep asleep, Viagra stars, Viagra cars, Viagra bars, Viagra scars
This is Viagraculture, this is the USA
This is what you get, this is what you get, this is what you get, this is what you get
Ah nothing is ever enough, we get bored when we can’t get stuff
We like our leaders to be stupid and violent regular guys like us
What’s so bad about the fall of Rome when we’re the ones who got all the gold
Never share anything with anyone else or you’re a bunch of girly men
This is Viagraculture, this is the USA.
I’d get an erection if The Melvins, Lard, and Revolting Cocks toured together in 2021!!!
PS. I once found a Union Carbide ad while thumbing through an old magazine. The chemical ad (no, that is not blood) reads, in part, “Science helps build a new India. Oxen working the fields…the eternal river Ganges…jeweled elephants on parade. Today these symbols of Ancient India exist side by side with a new sight-modern industry.” The ad ends with, “The people of Union Carbide welcome the opportunity to use their knowledge and skills in partnership with the citizens of so many great countries. A hand in things to come.”
Yeah, a hand in body bags, side by side.
