Sweden Wins Eurovision again with boring song, but awesome fingernails

Europe loves their vacuous dance music and now the continent has a new champion for 2023 in the form of 40 year old Swedish singer Loreen who is winning the contest for the second time. She is the first female, two-time, Eurovision champion and the second ever, after Irish crooner Johnny Logan, whose wins came in 1980 and 1987. Loreen’s first victory was in 2012.

British cat, Mona from Leeds, expresses disappointment at Loreen’s victory, but also admits to frank admiration for the size, color and sharpness of the “claws” appending the singer’s fingers.