Critic’s Roundtable, Part 4
(This conversation has four parts.)
Part 1 – Part 2 – Part 3 – Part 4
Behold!
http://www.villagevoice.com/pazznjop
Look carefully and you’ll see a ballot from yours truly. Almost nobody else voted for my picks, but I expected nothing less. A few observations: those rascally Posies finished at 190, beating out, along with a lot of other stuff, all but one of my ten picks.
And Roky Erickson’s new album, judged my our own Mr. Kipp as “very nearly THE WORST album length recording ever issued under the proud Erickson name,” finished at 82, beating out everything mentioned above.
Enjoy. Your comments welcomed.
Best,
– Andrew Hamlin
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Okay, I kid you not, don’t know about albums but two of the all time worst singles ever recorded were done in the same year -1991. A bit of backstory to add some flavor.
In Canada MuchMusic (the canuck version of MTV) runs a year-end special called “Fromage” whatever the year is. Highlighting the most truly hideous vidoes of that particular year. 1991 was a banner year for the cheese and featured (at # 2 & 1 respectively):
#2) The Big 12 Inch. In which a rapper (I’m being incredibly charitable here referring to him as such) called “The Don” raps on about, “My big 12-inch…record”. This heinous act is commited over a sample of the hook from “Cat Scratch Fever” by Ted Nugent, interspersed with samples of two chicks going “Oh my God! It’s so big!” No, I swear in the name of everything unholy, I’m not making this up! Just when you think it can’t possibly get any worse, Ted Nugent himself comes on (Hey, Damn Yankees had just broken up so I guess he was between gigs) and wati for it…starts rapping!
and at #1) The Toilet Stool Rap. In which an obese black man wearing a felt jogging suit that barely covers him is sitting on the commode with a mike in one hand and a pencil in the other rapping about how this is where he writes (on the roll of toilet paper of course). Gems from this include, “I’m sittin’ on the toilet stool, waitin’ for my bowels to move.” and “Im sittin’ on the toilet stool tryin’ to move my bowels and I’m thinkin’ up lyrics and phrases and vowels.” And believe it or not, it actually goes downhill from there!
Not sure if these acts were strictly Canadian or if the shame belongs elsewhere but something tells me they might have been home-grown…and you thought all Canada had to be ashamed of was Justin Beiber and Celine Dion! đ
– Jon Ravenscroft
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Finding fascinating album-length items in the #1700s and 1800s, right at the very bottom o’ the tally, which were mentioned by but one of the 708 critics queried!
Included are albums I’d not heard of [but will likely buy] by The Wipers! Steve Reich! Radio Birdman! Bettie Serveert!
I guess “The Neu Voice Pazz & Jop Critics Poll” IS good for something after all! LOL
Tom
P.S. Thanks for quoting me re: the Roky, for which I held such high hopes, alas.
– Tom Kipp
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My dear Jon, these are the most exciting singles I’ve heard of IN YEARS!
I will go to the ends of the Earth, or at least prostrate myself at Discogs.com and/or GEMM.com to acquire hard copies of same!
Thank ye, sir.
And is there YouTube action?
– Tom Kipp
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Yes…and sadly, no!
Memory must be getting fuzzy. The Toilet Stool Rap was actually the brain child (or perhaps generated from some other portion of the anatomy) of Biz Markie! See below for the link…
So at least Canada is off the hook for that one. The Big 12-Inch remains more obscure (no You-Tube) so I’ inclined to think it is indeed to Canada’s national shame…one or ours! đ
– Jon Ravenscroft
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Jon’s home country off the hook (I think)! Is *this* your song, Mr. Ravenscroft?
http://wernervonwallenrod.blogspot.com/2009/08/mc-ted-nugent-and-don-in-91.html
The details seem to fit. I’m sorry I can’t scare up any audio…maybe someone else can…
The Worst Song Of All Time, as I’m assuming everyone knows: “Run Joey Run,” performed by David Geddes, written and produced by Paul Vance, #4 on the Billboard chart, summer 1975:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxcVNwuTbt4&feature=iv&annotation_id=annotation_351962
How bad is this song? Before I heard it for the first time–I was Brad Pitt.
Or at least, Chuck Klosterman…
…and yet, the more I listen, the more I…no, no, no NO PLEASE, GOD HELP ME!!!!…
(and the Joke Rock circle closes?)
Best,
– Andrew Hamlin
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That be the one! Uuugh!!!! Too bad there’s no music (or better yet, video) to truly appreciate in all its horridness, but this at least provides the general idea of how sucktastic this song truly is! Thanx Andy!
– Jon Ravenscroft
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I gotta admit — i like this song much better than anything on the new sufjan stevens or m.i.a. albums.
At least i can follow it.
– Tris McCall
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Okay, will allow that this does possess some degree of entertainment value. More than can be said for much of what’s new lately. It’s just that it’s (probably) not in the way its originator(s) intended! đ
– Jon Ravenscroft
